Friday, December 4, 2009

Pecking orders and Sleazy Females.

This is a story about pecking orders. The list of players is as follows:

Murder Cat Fred
Evil Orange Marmalade Cat
Soon to be Pregnant Hussy Cat
Anti-Christ Cat

So... Murder Cat Fred used to be friends with Evil Orange Marmalade Cat. They would brush up against each other and were always together, plotting and scheming. Not only were they birds of a feather but they murdered and ate birds of a feather.. including most of the feathers. This lets me know they are tough because I can not eat the feathers of a chicken no matter how many times I've tried.

Yes, they were friends until Soon-To-Be-Pregnant-Hussy-Cat came by. Marmalade cat liked Hussy cat. Fred liked hussy cat too. One day they got into a big fight over her. Hussy cat sat back and watched the fight with mild amusement and a bag of microwave popcorn. Where she got the microwave, I do not know. I really must clean out the garage.

Now, Murder Cat Fred is afraid of Marmalade Cat. Marm Cat wants to brush up beside Fred and go for a beer like they used to but Fred backs off. He will no longer be a wing man. So yet another friendship is dashed because of a sleazy female. Fred needs to learn how to forgive and forget.

Entering stage right is Sweet Gray Cat. Sweet gray cat is sweet.. to me. I have the food. Sweet Gray Cat is afraid of Fred but not Marm Cat. He is ready to rip Marm cat a new one. Sweet cat seems to be defending Fred but Fred hates him. Apparently, Sweet cat does not like injustice and will fight for the underdog or cat as it may be no matter how convoluted the situation. Maybe I should change Sweet Cats name to ACLU Cat. If Sweet Cat starts to defend burglars inside my house after showing them where the hidden cash is.. I will do just that.

Anti-Christ cat is the king of the hill. Everyone is afraid of him and stays out of his way. I stay out of his way. If you don't, you are a fool and deserve to die. I can tell that Anti-Christ cat wants to be loved but his attitude is bad. I'm waiting for Hussy Cat to start chasing him soon. She is drawn to bad boys. She will pit Marm, Fred and Anti-Christ against each other just to watch them fight over her. Hussy cat needs to go back to her barstool and think about what she's doing over a shot of whiskey before she ends up being a drunken welfare mom.

I know this is not going to end well.


Christy J said...

I'm not sure what that post making me shoot diet dr pepper out of my nose says about me as a person...

Anonymous said...

Sounds like Fred should have read the book of Proverbs!!! ....since he is now no more :-(

Charley, signing in anonymously until I can remember my user name and password!!!!

amy said...

Please write more about these bad a*s cats. I love it!

Bill said...

Christy.. heh.. I know that hurts haha.

Amy, I Shall, I shall.. Thank you for coming by!

gloriaf59 said...

You are tooo much Bill. I think we must live near each other for I'm feeding about four feral cats that sound like yours. I, crazy person that I am, thought they would stop killing all the birds and squirrels if I feed them....oh well. Now they have cat food AND sometimes bird or squirrels for dinner.

Bill said...


Yeah, they keep the killing up for sure. I live across from a cemetery and they are in there every night looking for Squirrels or Moles. They find them too.
Much to my dismay, I have about 8 new kittens. Don't know what I'm going to do now. Getting overrun!


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