Friday, February 11, 2011

You've Been Talking in Your Sleep..

Since I got the dog fixed, I haven't been getting a lot of sleep the past few days so I took some time to steal a nap today. It was reeeeaaaaaallly nice.. for a bit. I started to dream.. it was creeping into nightmare category when my dog jumped up on the bed and licked me in the mouth to wake me up.

I would not recommend letting your dog lick you in the mouth. It's matter how lonely you may be. I think it is also illegal in several states including Hawaii and Puerto Rico... oh wait.. that's for entering contest. Nevermind.

Anywhooo.. I dreamed that a bunch of bank employees had come into my home. They were there to escort my mother down to the bank to sign some legal papers. Now my mom has been dead for 15 years so I have no idea why she'd be coming back to do much of anything unless it was to yell at me to clean my bedroom.
So I'm standing there in my bedroom (Yes mom, I WAS embarrassed they saw the mess, you win) and the window was missing leaving a large hole in the wall. Two slovenly bank employees were standing right by the windowless window, smoking cigarettes. I have no idea what significance slovenly bank people have in my life or why I'd be dreaming of them but most of them I've met seem to bathe on a regular basis and they have the decency to stay out of my dreams.

So they wanted my mom to hurry up. I went to get her and I found her dressed in what I can only describe as a Leprechaun outfit.. a sequined leprechaun outfit. Now while I do not personally know any leprechauns, I do have some friends who are rather short in stature albeit none of them are hiding vast pots of gold or shouting out "They're magically delicious!! in an Irish brogue.

I informed my mom that she would have to change clothes and left. She came out of her bedroom in a gold lame evening gown. While bank employees do indeed, dress well, I felt she was still a bit overdressed for the occasion.

I don't know what happened next because that's when my dog jumped up on the bed and did that awful thing she did. I'm still gagging as I write this.


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I'm 50 year old man who prays he won't take anyone out with him when he finally loses it. Copyright 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012