Thursday, December 16, 2010

What I Want For My Funeral.

Dear Family and Friends:

Since I have been surrounded by the passing away and illnesses of close friends the past few months I have been thinking about what I want if my time to cross the pearly gates comes anytime soon.

First of all, I must insist on NO OPEN CASKET! I don't want to be displayed like a Christmas window at Macys for everyone to come by and gawk at. They prop your head up at a 90 degree angle with a lacy pillow that forces your double chin to become much more pronounced, making people wonder if your bloodline had been previously infiltrated by an AKC registered bloodhound.

I don't care what you do with my body. You can wait till midnight and throw my happy hiney over the cemetery gates if you want. You may put me in the back of the truck, take me to a field and declare an all you can eat to the animal kingdom. Donate me to science and see if they can find a cure for bacon addiction. I really don't care.

What I DO Want:

I want mostly music for my memorial service. I don't want a traditional funeral. Open the church up for several hours on that day and play the songs that touched my heart. Let people come and go as they please all day long. They can come in, sit down, listen, then leave when they have had enough or they need to go to the bathroom.

Start with songs I loved as a child. Jesus Loves Me is perhaps the first one I ever learned. Then play "Silent Night" and "Away in A Manger" because I vividly remember learning those in Kindergarten.

I would like the following songs included: You may have to Google the titles.

"There's Always Tomorrow" from Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer (The one Clarice sings to Rudolph)

"Let The Sun Shine In" The one Pebbles and BamBam sang on The Flintstones.

"The Hukilau Song" I remember when I was in the nursery at an Elementary school program. I wasn't in school yet but my older brother was and some of the kids did this song. I have loved it ever since.

The following songs from my teen and adult years need to be included.

Copacobana by Barry Manilow. Yes that's right, I said it.. Copacobana. I am a Fanilow and I don't care who knows it. I would prefer a motorized mirror ball be hung somewhere in the church when these start to play and a spotlight shined on it. What can I say.. disco is still alive and will rule forevermore in my heart. If people want to come in and dance.. let them flail their arms to their hearts content. I wouldn't want it any other way.

The following songs need to be added:

Brick House by The Commodores
Shake Your Booty by KC and the Sunshine Band
Shake Your Groove Thing By Peaches and Herb
Flashlight by Parliament

Now, lets get a bit serious:
I want some songs that made my spirit soar. Songs that God used to touch me to the center of my soul. Oh.. please turn off the mirror ball when these start..

I've Just Seen Jesus by Sandi Patty and Larnelle Harris
Friends by Michael W Smith
We Shall Behold Him by Sandi Patty
Bethlehem Morning by Sandi Patty (Hmmm.. seeing a pattern here?)
Oh Holy Night
What Child Is This
Bound For Jubilee
Dream On by Larnelle Harris

I want it to end with this one:
Somewhere Over The Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

Well.. that's it.. a little humor.. but I'm serious about this. Let the music tell my story. It will do it better than anyone else could.


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I'm 50 year old man who prays he won't take anyone out with him when he finally loses it. Copyright 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012