Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Clean house for the Grim Reaper

I'm I am waking up this morning.. goin through the routine..checkin my sugar levels..gettin me some insulin..sticking the needle in me.. pushin the plunger down.. realizing as I finish that I just took almost twice as many units of a fast acting insulin instead of what I normally take..WHAT?!!?...OH CRAP!!..

I take two different kinds of insulin. One is long acting and I take much more of it. I got them mixed up.


I felt the drain of blood from my head and felt dizzy.. Oh boy Bill.. you done "done it" this time.
I hesitated to call for an ambulance, thinking that I could just drink something sweet or eat some grapes and I'd be fine. I was getting a bit more light headed as the minutes passed so I called 911 just to get some info and ask what to do. They said they were sending an Ambulance. Awww crud.. I didn't wanna go to the hospital.
I cringed thinking of the medical bill I was gonna get and how wrinkled the clothes I had in the dryer were gonna be.. I hate to iron.

The Firemen got here first, I met one of them at the door and said..

"Can I just bend over and you kick me in the butt for being stupid?"

That kinda got a puzzled look. I guess you shouldn't joke with people you roused out of bed at 4:30 am. They aren't happy and peppy. One thing I noticed was that the Firemans hair was amazingly well couffed. I'm glad he took the time in the rush to keep me from dying, to comb it. If there's one thing I can't stand it's slovenly people trying to save my life.

The ambulance pulled up a few seconds later and the paramedics made me sit down. I got asked a few hundred questions.. then I see two uniformed officers at my door..."Why the crap are officers here?" I thought to myself... then it hit me..

"Oh dear Lord.. they think this is a suicide attempt"

I assured them I was not trying to harm myself but was just very, very stupid.
I then recognized one of the officers as a guy I worked with at the Piggly Wiggly years ago. He recognized me too. It was good to know I hadn't changed that much in the past 25 years and that I could have an open casket after all.

The paramedics suggested I eat a peanut butter sandwich. I asked them if that was the best course of action seeing as there was a recall and I could die.. again I got a puzzled look and had to explain myself.

You can't joke with emergency service personnel at 4:30 in the morning.

They said I must monitor myself for the next few hours and call them back if I pass out or die. I assured them I would.

I'm most embarrassed that the house was in such a mess. I really must be more prepared for life threatening emergencies such as making sure the vacuuming and dusting are done and by that, I mean shoveling and raking. Martha Stewart probably has a book about it. I'll have to search later for titles like..

"Looking Your Best for the Grim Reaper"
"How to Make Your Home Inviting to Emergency Life Saving Personnel"

Sheesh.. what a way to start a day...


Anonymous said...

Love your stories. I got the link from Hot Air, I'm bookmarking you.

Anonymous said...

Bill, you are way to funny. I have to remember not to drink anything while I'm reading. Good thing I had a napkin to clean up my spit-take. thanks for the laugh, but please be more careful, I want those laughs to keep coming, and you gotta kinda stay away from ol' Grim to do that.

Anonymous said...

Bill, Love your stories. I hope you are ok. I can relate to sticking and keeping up with which needle to use when. Thank goodness my doctor put me on a pen. I just have to dial the numbers. One pen is green and the other is white. These are much easier than having to draw it up in the needle.(We had to do this for our parents.) Plus they don't have to stay in the fridge after you use it the first time. Good luck on your blog. Sandra Corum-AL(Southern Plate Fan)

Bill said...

Thank you, JoAnn and Sandra from Southern Plate and anonymous from Hot Air. I appreciate yall so much! I hope to make this blog bigger and more professional.. well professional looking anyway..

God Bless yall real good!


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I'm 50 year old man who prays he won't take anyone out with him when he finally loses it. Copyright 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012