Friday, May 2, 2014

Hey Mr Murderer.. Go away!

It's about 10pm and Im sitting watching television.  Well, I see somebody (Who shall be known as 'THE MURDERER') walk right in front of my door which they should not be doing since my house sits about 40 feet from the road which is longer than most murderers want to walk when they murder. My heart tried to push its way into my throat but luckily it stayed in place. I'm assuming when I had my open heart surgery that the doctor stitched it in there real good so it wouldn't go slippin out at inopportune times.
 My burglar alarms, named Baby (a 60lb Blue Heeler) and Princess Pooter Marie Von Sniffbutt (a 19 lb no-bellied Whippet) heard the murderer walking up to the door and began furiously warning me with their "THERE IS A MURDERER!!" barks which are very, very loud and make the mail deliverer pee her pants a little every time she comes to our mailbox. The dogs are a great warning system but the postmarks on my mail are from two years ago.
  Anyway.. I go to the door and flip on the porch light to see Mr. Murderer turn around, head the opposite direction and wave me off like when you give somebody the brush-off.  I guess he was like (in his best 1940's Italian movie gangster voice) "Nyaaaahhhh... I ain't murderin youz tonight.. I gots bettah tings ta do, capish?"
  I called the police and they came out surprisingly fast. The dogs were still barking prompting the officer to remark favorably on their murder repelling abilities.
At any rate, the murderer wasn't captured but I'm on the lookout for anybody who I think looks like a murderer. I'm also buying a pin-striped zoot suit to show the dogs what to look for.

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I'm 50 year old man who prays he won't take anyone out with him when he finally loses it. Copyright 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012