Sunday, January 30, 2011

No Grandpuppys For Me, Thank You..

I'm taking my Cattle Dog, Baby, to get her sterilized in a couple days. I have mixed feelings about this. While I definitely do not want any smaller versions of her obliterating rolls of toilet paper on the living room carpet the way she does, it makes me wonder if I am doing her a disservice by taking away the chance to be a mother.

Is she going to get into her 30's (in doggie years) and start to feel the tick of her biological clock? Will she walk the isles at Petsmart and start to shed tears when she sees a newborn with its mother? Will she miss the memories of having to make pizza rolls for her adult son that lives in her basement, typing in caps on heated Star Wars forums and who forgets her birthday?

Somehow, I doubt it.

The most difficult thing about it is having to wear one of those plastic lampshades on her head for a week. She is going to go nuts. Having worn a plastic lampshade on my head during a wild party years ago and not getting any laughs.. I can feel her pain. I will have a few laughs at her expense, especially after I distribute several nuggets of her dry dog food on the floor and exclaim "LOOK! SHES A VACUUM CLEANER!" to whoever has the misfortune of visiting.

Poor thing.. She has no idea what she is in for...

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I'm 50 year old man who prays he won't take anyone out with him when he finally loses it. Copyright 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012